The things I never thought I'd miss
by Twilightqueen16
Summary: Bella realizes that somethings she'd never thought she'd miss, she misses the most. Bad summary great story R&R please


Edward POV

It's been 18 years since I changed Bella and it was times like this when I regretted the decision. I was standing outside our room watching Bella watch the Baby Channel she had been looking at the television for 12 hours straight and every time I tried to console her she cried harder and told me to just leave her alone. Currently she was with Alice and I was trying not to eaves drop but hey I needed to know what was wrong. I mean Bella hadn't seemed to have any problems until just a few months ago at first I thought that It'd had something to do with Jacob returning to her life but now I wasn't so sure. Suddenly Alice exited the room and tapped me on the shoulder.

"What can I do?" I asked worried.

"Absolutely nothing, she said honestly I don't think anything can be done"

"Well at least tell me what's wrong, I asked

"She asked me not to tell you, but since you're obviously not as smart as we all thought you were," she trailed off and then pulled me out of Bella's hearing range.

" Edward we've all gone through it before, Modems, and mostly Rosalie"

I was still clearly confused was this a woman thing that only vampires went through or was it something I could have presented was Bella Angry w1ith me.

"Edward, focus Alice said touching my cheek, "It's not your fault Bella just wants more than she already has, she still loves you dearly it's just she's now realizing all that she gave up to be with us to be one of our family"

I was still somewhat confused.

" Edward she wants to have a damn baby, Alice said before storming away whispering profanities aimed at me under her breath.

Somewhere deep down inside I knew that the day would come when Bella would discover my flaws and find me lacking in some way. For some reason felt compelled to talk to Bella to explain to comfort her. I'd never experienced the longing that Bella was probably feeling, but I could sympathize with her somewhat. I imagined it felt something like the way I felt when I didn't have Bella I knew that something was missing I just couldn't ever point it out.

I also felt guilty that I was happy for the past 18 years I had been completely content with the way our lives had turned out we'd had some issues early on and when Bella was trying to develop her skill but at least she wasn't accidentally dropping into a trance and killing random people anymore.

I decided that I had to talk to Bella I couldn't bear to se her in pain anymore. I entered the dark room the only light being emitted from the screen of the television Bella was clutching a teddy Bear curled up on the couch her head resting on Semi's shoulder. I sat down on the couch next to her. Esme glanced up at me realizing what I wanted she got up to leave.

_Good luck _ she thought

I wrapped my arms around Bella and rested my head on her hair as she snuggled close to me.

" I'm sorry, I began " I know it's all my fault and I mad a mistake I never think anything through"

" It's not your fault," she whispered

" Yes it is I answered I took everything away from you I took away your humanity., I took you out of your world because I was selfish"

"Yes it is I answered I took everything away from you I took away your humanity., I took you out of your world because I was selfish"

"Edward she said sitting up to look at me," Yes, I'm sad and I probably look really bad right now because I've been looking at this channel for 13 hours, but I love you , I promise you that I will get over this, probably not today probably even not tomorrow, But I will move on I just never realized that one day I would want this and now I can't have this."

At that moment I saw the look in Bella's eyes and if I could have cried I would have I would have cried for her, I would have cried for me because I now wanted what she wanted , And I even would have cried for a baby that would never exist. She began to shiver and I wrapped my arms around her and the only thing I could say was I love you over and over again , but for whom I was saying it to I didn't know.

Bella

I was now curled up in Edwards arms we'd been like this for hours I could sense everyone looking at us I felt kinda of embarrassed. I don't know what came over me one day I'd been at the book store and their were children everywhere. I saw mothers calling their kids and I saw mothers with babies and pregnant mothers. And all of a sudden I thought _ooh that's nice I want one of those _and suddenly I realized that I could never have one of those I'd never read my son a book or take my daughter to get her ears pierced. Before this it had felt like I had everything, but suddenly I realized I didn't and I realized all that I had really given up. At first I just thought about it and then it seemed that babies were everywhere and then I don't know what happened I just felt really sad like somebody had died. I didn't blame Edward, I blamed myself it always seemed that he was always giving me things and I could never give him this I felt very insecure and then I was sitting on the couch flipping channels and I saw a channel about babies, and I haven't moved since.

I think that Edward feels guilty all he keep saying is that he loves me, but does he really mean it did he love me will he one day discover the baby channel and begin to hate me to realize that I can't give him something that he wants will he leave me and I'll be left all alone with no one.

"Please don't leave me ,"I found myself saying.

I could tell that I shocked Edward

" I will never leave you I heard Edward say I hugged the teddy bear closer and laughed I laughed loud and hard I couldn't cry so I did the next best thing it was something I'd once heard my mother say laugh when you feel like crying. Suddenly I felt a lot of arms surrounding me I knew everyone was their for a moment I wondered if I was having a nervous breakdown. And I wondered why it hurt so much this was a pain that no amount of drugs could help This was a pain that I'd only felt once before but it was fresher like I'd lost someone except I'd never had that someone to lose. Some one turned off the television and I slowly began to recover from my small nervous breakdown or what ever the world had just happened to me.

"I'm okay now I managed to say," " I think I just want to be alone now" I untangled my self from the rest of the family and hurried upstairs I didn't want everyone to have to witness what I was experiencing especially since I didn't know what I was experiencing myself I rushed into the bathroom ran the water really hot and sank into the tub I sank so far into the tub that my head was under water I wasn't trying to kill myself I mean I couldn't die I just needed that feeling.

Alice POV

I had no idea what had just happened and If I was confused then Edward was devastated. All of a sudden it seemed like Bella Just broke down

" I think she had a nervous breakdown", Rosalie said confused

I felt really bad for Bella I mean she'd been sad before but I had never seen her like this well I'd seen her like this once before when Edward left but I sometimes saw that I never really saw how bad it was what I saw was like the after effect I saw her with Jacob she was happy with Jacob I kinda felt guilty if she'd been with Jacob then she wouldn't be experiencing this feeling right now. We were all sitting around the family room with our eyes on Edward Jasper was holding his head, I felt sorry for him I couldn't fathom the amount of emotions that he was experiencing right now. That was the thing about Jasper he hardly if ever gave away what he was feeling. I got up from my perch beside Edward and sat on Jaspers lap. I smiled when he let go of his head and placed his arms around me. I laid my head on his shoulder and inhaled his scent it was piney of sorts. But the thing was I knew exactly what Bella was feeling because I'd felt the same way.

"What are we going to do" ,I asked the room It was obvious that no one had any answers if we'd been able to solve this problem Rosalie wouldn't be as bitter and Esme wouldn't be raising tomatoes and naming each one of them.

" You're no better, Edward commented Remember the vampire cat."

" SHUT UP EDWARD" I screamed before jumping up from Jaspers lap and going to hide in the bathroom. Unfortunately Bella was hiding in the bathroom, I picked the lock and found Bella submerged in the bathtub. AT first I was a little worried but then I remembered how I'd never have a baby and climbed into the Ten people tub laid down and tightly held Bella's hand.

Rosalie POV

I couldn't stand this, Over the years I had begun to think of Bella as my sister I loved her and I'd never wanted to see anyone to go through what I had gone through I had gone through it and in the back of my mind I wasn't fully over it but at least I could function. But it was always harder seeing everyone else go through it I'd been alive along time and I'd seen a lot of people go through it I'd seen Alice go through it but Alice had Always been different come on what did she expect would happen to the vampire cat of course Carlisle would kill it but Edward had been wrong when he said it. But up until now I always thought Esme was the worst one I mean she'd killed herself over a baby and I don't think she ever got over it I secretly wondered if Esme's Everyday actions had caused Bella to react this way or maybe it was just the way that everything was. I think we all secretly wondered if Edward had made the right decision. I got up and walked to the window. This what I had been afraid of this was what I knew Bella would feel I didn't want her to have to go through this. I felt oddly like it was my fault I could feel the eyes of the others on me. I guess I was the one who would be breaking down next, well they had another thing coming I was stronger than either Alice or Bella. I glanced at Edward clutching the teddy bear inhaling Bella's scent. My God Edward was a punk, Emmett would never be getting off on a teddy bear, my man was strong. I was way past this I knew that I'd never break down.

" Emmett do you want to have a baby?", I asked Emmett stared at me gauging my feelings then he glanced at Edward, I watched Edwards oh so subtly shake his head.

" NO" said Emmett looking at me.

I just stared at him for a moment and then it hit me

" You don't want me to have your baby?" I asked my face becoming distorted. I then flew up the stairs and into the bath room upon seeing Alice and Bella in the tub I removed my shoes and slid into the water.

Esme POV

I was standing with my arms folded across my chest laughing all of my sons were looking utterly confused. I would have thought that at least Edward would have understood or Jasper I didn't really expect Emmett to understand. I loved Emmett but he still didn't believe that wrestling wasn't fake. I felt that perhaps I had failed Bella in a way, perhaps I had failed all of them. I wasn't their real mother but they called me mom I liked to think of myself as a mom and I often gave them advice on issues that they needed help with. Wasn't that what mothers did, I glanced at Carlisle and then at the boys .I wondered, perhaps it was time for them to strike out on their own to find what they thought they were missing to create families of their own that was me and Carlisle had done. It seemed to work so well for all of us. However I would never suggest it Carlisle would be crushed and I doubted I could live without my babies. And in a sense even though they were all very old in a sense of being alive they were my babies. I needed them, probably more than they needed me. I glanced at Carlisle until he left the room I quickly followed after him and met up with him in the kitchen it seemed that he couldn't look at me.

" I'm fine I protested, I'm not going to break down, but I need you to get them out of the house I need you to take Jasper away he's messing up the whole mood, and Edward is devastated, everyone needs a minute to think," I said calmly

" What about you he asked .

" I am going to do what mothers do best , I said smiling I am going to sit their and give them warm towels and let them curl up next to me and we will cry for everything that we will never have." at that I stormed out of the kitchen grabbed some towels and quietly went into the bathroom closing the door behind me


End file.
